Dr. Rubin speaks on how to beat the break-up blues

After a break-up most women are haunted by: the good times, the bad times, the "waste of time", the "red flags", the phone, the email, the perceived or actual "new girl", the loneliness, the self-doubt, and "Oh my God, what's this?" the ____(insert item) he left at your place.

The horror. Actual physical evidence of your relationship stands before you. You reach out to burn/rip/shred ____(said item) but then you get this urge to wear it, smell it, or hug it. Stop yourself. And listen.

HBMS had a second opportunity to sit down with Dr. Marcy Rubin to compose a "how-to-guide" for women suffering from a painful break-up. Many times you can look back on your break-up antics and laugh, but the actual process of getting through a break-up can send women spiraling into a severe depression.

In no order of importance (all things equally important) Dr. Rubin lists her remedy for a broken heart:

1. Find ways to laugh. Whether it be with movies or television or friends, laughing and smiling is important. When you smile, you spirit lifts automatically. Laughing also helps you realize that love is all around you - not just in your past relationship.

2. Get support from friends and family. If no one is around, or you've used all of your resources, talk to yourself. Yes, yourself. All types of talk is helpful and healing - even self-talk.

3. Reconnect with old friends. Many times, you lose contact with people as you try to balance a relationship with work or children. Reach out and be surprised at who is happy to hear from you.

4. Go into nature. Paying attention and being aware of mother earth is regenerative and meditative. By doing this, you also understand your place in something bigger than your old relationship. In nature, you also attuned to the cycle of life. There is always a beginning and an end. Look forward to your beginning.

5. Reconnect to your religion or spiritual practices.

6. Think of the things that brought you joy before your break up - and do them. Many times, we don't realize that we were a person, with a life before the relationship.

7. Distract yourself. Keep busy. Throw yourself into work, a new project or self-improvement.

8. Cry. You are not feeling sorry for yourself, you are releasing pain. Very important.

9. Have faith that your new mate will be brought to you in the right time, in the right way and in the right place.

Spiritual ceremonies, trends and environmental awakenings - an interview with Kathleen Rude

HBMS sat down with environmental journalist and healer, Kathleen Rude to discuss the trends in women's spiritual health as well as ceremonial practices for women's personal change, growth and healing.

Kathleen began her studies in 1996 with a Blackfoot medicine Elder and has studied with other North American traditional people to learn various ways of hands-on healing and ceremonial practices. She has been publicly practicing holistic spiritual methods for 2 1/2 years.

Her interest in energy healing and spirituality is closely tied to her passion and love for the environment. "I wanted to study people that live close to the earth, indigenous people, and that is where my studies with the Blackfoot Native American tribe began. I wanted to look at changing our value system, looking into what people value and how to protect the planet,” she says.

Kathleen offers a sweat lodge ceremony once a month and has seen an increase of women in attendance over the past 8 years. "The sweat lodge ceremony is an opportunity for women to reconnect to the earth and to all life forms. It is an opportunity to remember our connection to all of life. Traditionally, women were not allowed to participate in sweat lodge ceremonies, particularly when they were menstruating as women were deemed 'too powerful' during that time," she says. Kathleen welcomes women, even during menstruation to her sweat lodge ceremonies. "It is empowering for women to gather and remember women's wisdom - traditional views of who can participate in sweat lodge ceremonies are changing."

The sweat lodge is essentially a community prayer in which each participant focuses on "4 doors." "While inside the sweat lodge, you are asked to vocalize a prayer for yourself, for healing for others in your life, for non-human forms (the environment), and finally, a prayer expressing gratitude," she says. The sweat lodge represents the "womb of the earth" and upon exiting, a kind of spiritual "rebirth" emerges.

Kathleen's New Moon Circle and Full Moon Circles offer women an opportunity to connect to their own internal cycles and the cycles of life. The work is based closely on the work of Jamie Sams in "The 13 Original Clan Mothers." There is energy for each month, and therefore a focus for the circle. These circles are listening circles where surprisingly, there is no cross-dialogue.

Kathleen notes that there is a "real power in being witness, holding space, listening and being heard." In the New Moon and Full Moon circles, "women share their experiences, participate in guided meditation and go inward to hear their own inner guidance. These circles help us remember that we (as women) have this wisdom inside of us. It helps us to connect to our Goddess," she says.

We asked Kathleen if she has seen an increase in the number of women that attend her ceremonies and look to her for guidance - essentially if these spiritual practices are a trend in women's health. Kathleen's New Moon Circle and Full Moon circle continues to grow; she has a core of women who regularly attend as well as new members. With regard to her sweat lodge ceremonies, she has seen an increase in interest, particularly with "women only" lodges.

Kathleen attributes this increase to a shift in the world where we see "divine feminine energy starting to emerge - a growing re-awakening and we need it." However, she does not denounce the importance of male energy and male healers. “Men and women have different healing gifts, and we need them both, in conjunction with each other,” she says.

If Kathleen could give one piece of advice to women in an effort to balance work, life, relationships, despair and confusion it would be this: "To reach out to other women - don't do it alone. If you can, become part of any women's circle. Respect yourself enough to take the time, one time per month. To talk from the heart, and share it, be in a circle so women can hold it (the energy). There is a lot of power and healing in remembering our connection to each other. And the moon, she is a wonderful reminder to our connection to life on this planet."

Currently, Kathleen practices at the Northshore Healing Center in Glenview, Illinois. To sign up for Kathleen's mailing list and to be notified of upcoming circles and ceremonies (the next circle will be held August 1, 2008 at the center), e-mail her at ksrude@nshealing.com.

Happy healing!

Foods that help conquer the blues

Deepak Chopra talks about the impact the mind has on a healthy body

Women and drinking - Are you in trouble?

TODAY's Meredith Vieira sat down with Dr. Nieca Goldberg to discuss a problem that over 5 million women suffer from - drinking too much.

Dr. Goldberg says that most women drink as a way of relaxing and view drinking as a break from work, motherhood and spousal responsibilities. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether or not you have a problem with alcohol but Dr. Goldberg makes the warning signs very clear.

Danger Signs:

1. When you schedule activities around drinking
2. When you can't get through the day without a drink
3. When you drink early in the morning
4. When people around you say you have a problem
5. When you hide alcohol
6. When you withdrawal from your family and friends

If any of these signs are true for you, you could be suffering from alcoholism. Dr. Goldberg suggests a variety of ways to fight the disease: some people (if they are not physically addicted) can cut back, others need a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous, some need individual counseling and others (who suffer physical dependence) need rehabilitation.

Click the headline link to watch the full interview as well as a testimonial from a woman who has been 16 months sober.

For more information on AA and to find a meeting near you click here:

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/

Dr. Rubin answers questions about life and love

Dr. Marcy Rubin is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been practicing in the Chicagoland area since 1999. Currently, she works for Illinois Masonic Hospital in Chicago and also maintains her own private practice. Dr. Rubin specializes in personal growth, healing and change - utilizing an innovative mix of spiritual guidance and psychological theory. I sat down with Dr. Rubin to ask her a few questions.

Q: Speaking generally, what would you say is the biggest problem that women struggle with today?

A: One of the biggest issues (that women struggle with) is their willingness to understand the potential power that stems from pain and adversity. When faced with difficult times, women often obsess over their weaknesses and inadequacy when in all actuality, the adversity (and getting through it) can make women a pillar of strength and character beyond their wildest dreams.

Another main issue is that women have a difficult time allowing themselves to receive love and nurturance from the would around them. Women can be phenomenal givers, but receiving love – even self-love has become quite the challenge.

Q: Would you say then that one of the biggest problems that women face in their intimate relationships is difficulty in receiving love?

A: Yes. Men face this difficulty too, but women are in the majority here. Many women feel that to be loved they need to be perfect, and (they) continually struggle with the feeling of being unworthy to receive love because of perceived or actual mental, physical or emotional flaws, and all of their unhealed pain or adversity. They often mistakenly cling to the notion that to have pain or adversity makes them inherently unworthy to be loved.

What women seldom realize is that it is through the courage to face and survive adversity and pain; they build the strength and character that makes them most worthy of the love that they so desperately need to survive.

Q: So what do you suggest women do to overcome these emotional issues?

A: To be our best and give to the fullest of our potential as women, we have to allow ourselves to receive and of course not feel guilty about it. Allowing ourselves to receive love and nurturance is the only effective way we can give back to those we love the essentials of what they need to survive. Also, by honoring, courageously working through, and building strength and character from adversity is the only way we can stand tall in the fullest of our potential.

Q: You mentioned earlier that it is difficult for many women to love themselves. Do you have any tips on how women can implement more self-love in their lives?

A: Absolutely. They constantly need to say what they want, think and feel to themselves as well as the people in their lives – their parents, their partners, their children.

By saying how you feel, you validate your negative emotions by identifying them. By saying what you think, you validate the negative experience or interaction by identifying the problem that caused negativity. By saying what you want, you come up with potential solutions to remedy the problem that occurred in the past or how you can avoid this again in the future.

This type of personal maintenance, this mental processing is by definition, self-love and it works wonders for the soul.