Dr. Rubin speaks on how to beat the break-up blues

After a break-up most women are haunted by: the good times, the bad times, the "waste of time", the "red flags", the phone, the email, the perceived or actual "new girl", the loneliness, the self-doubt, and "Oh my God, what's this?" the ____(insert item) he left at your place.

The horror. Actual physical evidence of your relationship stands before you. You reach out to burn/rip/shred ____(said item) but then you get this urge to wear it, smell it, or hug it. Stop yourself. And listen.

HBMS had a second opportunity to sit down with Dr. Marcy Rubin to compose a "how-to-guide" for women suffering from a painful break-up. Many times you can look back on your break-up antics and laugh, but the actual process of getting through a break-up can send women spiraling into a severe depression.

In no order of importance (all things equally important) Dr. Rubin lists her remedy for a broken heart:

1. Find ways to laugh. Whether it be with movies or television or friends, laughing and smiling is important. When you smile, you spirit lifts automatically. Laughing also helps you realize that love is all around you - not just in your past relationship.

2. Get support from friends and family. If no one is around, or you've used all of your resources, talk to yourself. Yes, yourself. All types of talk is helpful and healing - even self-talk.

3. Reconnect with old friends. Many times, you lose contact with people as you try to balance a relationship with work or children. Reach out and be surprised at who is happy to hear from you.

4. Go into nature. Paying attention and being aware of mother earth is regenerative and meditative. By doing this, you also understand your place in something bigger than your old relationship. In nature, you also attuned to the cycle of life. There is always a beginning and an end. Look forward to your beginning.

5. Reconnect to your religion or spiritual practices.

6. Think of the things that brought you joy before your break up - and do them. Many times, we don't realize that we were a person, with a life before the relationship.

7. Distract yourself. Keep busy. Throw yourself into work, a new project or self-improvement.

8. Cry. You are not feeling sorry for yourself, you are releasing pain. Very important.

9. Have faith that your new mate will be brought to you in the right time, in the right way and in the right place.

Spiritual ceremonies, trends and environmental awakenings - an interview with Kathleen Rude

HBMS sat down with environmental journalist and healer, Kathleen Rude to discuss the trends in women's spiritual health as well as ceremonial practices for women's personal change, growth and healing.

Kathleen began her studies in 1996 with a Blackfoot medicine Elder and has studied with other North American traditional people to learn various ways of hands-on healing and ceremonial practices. She has been publicly practicing holistic spiritual methods for 2 1/2 years.

Her interest in energy healing and spirituality is closely tied to her passion and love for the environment. "I wanted to study people that live close to the earth, indigenous people, and that is where my studies with the Blackfoot Native American tribe began. I wanted to look at changing our value system, looking into what people value and how to protect the planet,” she says.

Kathleen offers a sweat lodge ceremony once a month and has seen an increase of women in attendance over the past 8 years. "The sweat lodge ceremony is an opportunity for women to reconnect to the earth and to all life forms. It is an opportunity to remember our connection to all of life. Traditionally, women were not allowed to participate in sweat lodge ceremonies, particularly when they were menstruating as women were deemed 'too powerful' during that time," she says. Kathleen welcomes women, even during menstruation to her sweat lodge ceremonies. "It is empowering for women to gather and remember women's wisdom - traditional views of who can participate in sweat lodge ceremonies are changing."

The sweat lodge is essentially a community prayer in which each participant focuses on "4 doors." "While inside the sweat lodge, you are asked to vocalize a prayer for yourself, for healing for others in your life, for non-human forms (the environment), and finally, a prayer expressing gratitude," she says. The sweat lodge represents the "womb of the earth" and upon exiting, a kind of spiritual "rebirth" emerges.

Kathleen's New Moon Circle and Full Moon Circles offer women an opportunity to connect to their own internal cycles and the cycles of life. The work is based closely on the work of Jamie Sams in "The 13 Original Clan Mothers." There is energy for each month, and therefore a focus for the circle. These circles are listening circles where surprisingly, there is no cross-dialogue.

Kathleen notes that there is a "real power in being witness, holding space, listening and being heard." In the New Moon and Full Moon circles, "women share their experiences, participate in guided meditation and go inward to hear their own inner guidance. These circles help us remember that we (as women) have this wisdom inside of us. It helps us to connect to our Goddess," she says.

We asked Kathleen if she has seen an increase in the number of women that attend her ceremonies and look to her for guidance - essentially if these spiritual practices are a trend in women's health. Kathleen's New Moon Circle and Full Moon circle continues to grow; she has a core of women who regularly attend as well as new members. With regard to her sweat lodge ceremonies, she has seen an increase in interest, particularly with "women only" lodges.

Kathleen attributes this increase to a shift in the world where we see "divine feminine energy starting to emerge - a growing re-awakening and we need it." However, she does not denounce the importance of male energy and male healers. “Men and women have different healing gifts, and we need them both, in conjunction with each other,” she says.

If Kathleen could give one piece of advice to women in an effort to balance work, life, relationships, despair and confusion it would be this: "To reach out to other women - don't do it alone. If you can, become part of any women's circle. Respect yourself enough to take the time, one time per month. To talk from the heart, and share it, be in a circle so women can hold it (the energy). There is a lot of power and healing in remembering our connection to each other. And the moon, she is a wonderful reminder to our connection to life on this planet."

Currently, Kathleen practices at the Northshore Healing Center in Glenview, Illinois. To sign up for Kathleen's mailing list and to be notified of upcoming circles and ceremonies (the next circle will be held August 1, 2008 at the center), e-mail her at ksrude@nshealing.com.

Happy healing!

Foods that help conquer the blues

Deepak Chopra talks about the impact the mind has on a healthy body

Women and drinking - Are you in trouble?

TODAY's Meredith Vieira sat down with Dr. Nieca Goldberg to discuss a problem that over 5 million women suffer from - drinking too much.

Dr. Goldberg says that most women drink as a way of relaxing and view drinking as a break from work, motherhood and spousal responsibilities. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether or not you have a problem with alcohol but Dr. Goldberg makes the warning signs very clear.

Danger Signs:

1. When you schedule activities around drinking
2. When you can't get through the day without a drink
3. When you drink early in the morning
4. When people around you say you have a problem
5. When you hide alcohol
6. When you withdrawal from your family and friends

If any of these signs are true for you, you could be suffering from alcoholism. Dr. Goldberg suggests a variety of ways to fight the disease: some people (if they are not physically addicted) can cut back, others need a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous, some need individual counseling and others (who suffer physical dependence) need rehabilitation.

Click the headline link to watch the full interview as well as a testimonial from a woman who has been 16 months sober.

For more information on AA and to find a meeting near you click here:

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/

Dr. Rubin answers questions about life and love

Dr. Marcy Rubin is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been practicing in the Chicagoland area since 1999. Currently, she works for Illinois Masonic Hospital in Chicago and also maintains her own private practice. Dr. Rubin specializes in personal growth, healing and change - utilizing an innovative mix of spiritual guidance and psychological theory. I sat down with Dr. Rubin to ask her a few questions.

Q: Speaking generally, what would you say is the biggest problem that women struggle with today?

A: One of the biggest issues (that women struggle with) is their willingness to understand the potential power that stems from pain and adversity. When faced with difficult times, women often obsess over their weaknesses and inadequacy when in all actuality, the adversity (and getting through it) can make women a pillar of strength and character beyond their wildest dreams.

Another main issue is that women have a difficult time allowing themselves to receive love and nurturance from the would around them. Women can be phenomenal givers, but receiving love – even self-love has become quite the challenge.

Q: Would you say then that one of the biggest problems that women face in their intimate relationships is difficulty in receiving love?

A: Yes. Men face this difficulty too, but women are in the majority here. Many women feel that to be loved they need to be perfect, and (they) continually struggle with the feeling of being unworthy to receive love because of perceived or actual mental, physical or emotional flaws, and all of their unhealed pain or adversity. They often mistakenly cling to the notion that to have pain or adversity makes them inherently unworthy to be loved.

What women seldom realize is that it is through the courage to face and survive adversity and pain; they build the strength and character that makes them most worthy of the love that they so desperately need to survive.

Q: So what do you suggest women do to overcome these emotional issues?

A: To be our best and give to the fullest of our potential as women, we have to allow ourselves to receive and of course not feel guilty about it. Allowing ourselves to receive love and nurturance is the only effective way we can give back to those we love the essentials of what they need to survive. Also, by honoring, courageously working through, and building strength and character from adversity is the only way we can stand tall in the fullest of our potential.

Q: You mentioned earlier that it is difficult for many women to love themselves. Do you have any tips on how women can implement more self-love in their lives?

A: Absolutely. They constantly need to say what they want, think and feel to themselves as well as the people in their lives – their parents, their partners, their children.

By saying how you feel, you validate your negative emotions by identifying them. By saying what you think, you validate the negative experience or interaction by identifying the problem that caused negativity. By saying what you want, you come up with potential solutions to remedy the problem that occurred in the past or how you can avoid this again in the future.

This type of personal maintenance, this mental processing is by definition, self-love and it works wonders for the soul.

HPV linked to throat cancer?

According to the Chicago Tribune, many researchers blame HPV for the rise in throat cancer. Some researchers even go as far as to say that the HPV throat cancers could overtake HPV cervical cancer in the next decade. According to Dr. Erza Cohen of the University of Chicago Medical Center, "It's (HPV throat cancer) now becoming a dominant sub-type of the disease that we see in our clinic."

Studies show that people who have come of age since the 1950's are more likely to have engaged in oral sex than those that were born earlier. Experts say that oral sex is a known risk factor for HPV related throat cancers and this is why we are seeing an increase of HPV-throat cancers in women and men in their 50's.

The HPV linked cancer appears somewhat less deadly than throat cancers linked to heavy drinking and smoking however it is still a very serious disease. Dr. Marshall Posner of the Harvard Cancer Center in Boston notes: "They may have better prognosis, but these are still very aggressive cancers."

Now it is more important than ever to get tested for HPV, communicate with your partner and wear a condom.

Bad news for Gardasil (for now)

Merck and Company are the makers of Gardasil, the vaccine that protects girls and women ages 9-26 against the human papillomavirus (commonly called HPV). Merck recently submitted the drug again to the FDA, attempting to use the vaccine for women ages 27-45 who had not yet contracted the cervical cancer causing virus, HPV.

According to Bloomberg.com, the FDA has "issues" and "questions" about the use of the HPV vaccine in the "older" age group and Merck plans to respond to those "issues" (Merck declined to indicate what the FDA's issues were) by next month. The FDA's concerns for the 27-45 age group do not affect the Gardasil approved for use by girls and women ages 9-26. Beverly Lybrand, senior vice president at Merck stated: "We will continue to persue this and other supplemental approvals to extend the use of this vaccine to others. "

In a study sponsored by Merck last year, results indicated that Gardasil prevented 91% of cases of precancers and genital lesions in women ages 24-45. With cervical cancer killing over 250,000 women a year (according to the World Health Organization) Merck should move fast to work out the kinks of the vaccine and eliminate FDA concerns for this age group.

Health Freedom Expo June 27-29

If you are in the Chicago area and are interested in alternative and natural health care products, check out the Health Freedom Expo this weekend. The expo will include seminars, workshops and a wide variety of informed speakers.

Just a few exhibitors that might interest women include: The Healthy Gourmet, Magnets and More, Young Living Essential Oils, Relaxation International, Reflexology and Dahn Yoga. Choose from over 30 lectures ranging from spiritual balance to vaccine and antibiotic alternatives.

The best part - $15 a day, $35 for the weekend and free stuff.

You can register when you arrive at the event.

Renaissance Schaumburg Hotel and Convention Center
1551 Thoreau Drive
Schaumburg, IL 60173

Hours
Friday & Saturday - 10am to 7pm
Sunday - 10am to 6pm
(Exhibit Hall opens at 11am each day)

Lack of sleep hinders women's health

According to HealthDay.com, women that are sleep deprived often suffer from obesity, cardiovascular problems and psychiatric issues.

Joyce Walsleben, associate professor at the New York University Sleep Disorders Center urges women to "turn off the worry." She suggests writing in a "worry book" for 15 minutes every night. "Use one side of a piece of paper to list everything that worries you. On the other side, write a solution."

I would add that next to that list of solutions, you indicate which worries you cannot solve. Sometimes we worry about things that we have no control over - and if we cannot change something - if we have no control over the situation, it is pointless (and exhausting) to worry about it.

Lose weight and keep it off with a big breakfast?

According to msnbc.com, Dr. Daniela Jakubowicz, her colleagues and scientists from Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond conducted a study comparing a high carbohydrate, high protein 'big breakfast' diet with a strict low-carb diet.

46 women participated in the low-carb diet and consumed 1,085 calories a day, 17g of carbs, 12g protein and 78g fat. Breakfast was the groups smallest meal. On the 'big breakfast' diet in which 48 women participated, they consumed 1,240 calories a day, 97g of carbs, 93g protein and 46g fat. Dinner for this group, was their smallest meal.

Results indicated that at 4 months, there was no significant weight loss difference - the low-carb group shed 28lbs and the 'big breakfast' group shed 23.

However, at 8 months, low-carb dieters regained an average of 18lbs, while the 'big breakfast' group continued to lose weight, shedding another 16.5lbs. Women on the 'big breakfast' diet also reported feeling less hungry and having less cravings than the women on the low-carb diet.

Throw away your diet books and eat your breakfast ladies. Don't starve yourself and then eat a big dinner expecting to fit into your 'skinny' jeans the next day. It makes sense - if you eat more in the morning, you burn fuel throughout the day - and also have enough fuel to get through the day without being groggy or irritable.